Sweet Life of Mine
by Sandylee007
Summary: Final piece to the 'Sweet… of Mine' series.    Three years later Reid and Morgan are a couple. Will they manage to keep their family together when their relationship is tested one more time?      SLASH     MorganxReid        POTENTIAL FOUR OR FIVE SHOT
1. My Life After You

A/N: Gosh, you guys! (beams) You have no idea how loved you've made the two former pieces of this trilogy feel. You've boosted my inspiration and made my love for writing 'CM'-fics rise to a level I can't even describe. So THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart! (grins from ear to ear and hugs again)

As for this part…

A BRIEF ADDITIONAL SUMMARY: Three years have passed, and Spencer and Derek are starting the live of a couple. The weight of Spencer's past is just beginning to shift when the past comes flooding right back in. Will the couple survive this one more test and keep their family together?

WARNINGS: SLASH, some language, mild… amour…. And hey, that's it! (grins)

DISCLAIMER: (sighs, nearly sobs) No matter how hard I keep wishing and hoping, I doubt they'll ever call me and ask me to become one of the creators of 'CM'. So, I still own nothing but my lovely dreams. (pouts)

Awkay, because I have a feeling that you'd like to get going already… Let's rock! (takes a deep breath) I truly hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

**_Sweet Life of Mine_**

* * *

CHAPTER 1 – My Life After You

* * *

/ _For reasons Spencer Reid still couldn't quite figure out Penelope Garcia wanted to arrange a huge party for Jayson and Abigail when they hit the grand age of six months. At first he tried to decline politely – after all he'd never been a party-person – but when he noticed how excited Joey seemed about the whole idea he just didn't have the heart to trash her joy._

_Their family had been through a hell. Perhaps they deserved this relief._

_The party turned out to be a much better idea than he'd known to expect. After the rollercoaster of the past months with raising baby-twins and still mourning Joey it felt good to have other adults aside Derek Morgan near him. The entire team joined in, bringing a mountain of gifts. And the twins enjoyed the attention, clearly having taken after Shawn on that field. Abigail giggled loudly whenever anyone did anything even remotely amusing in her sight, and succeeded in wrapping absolutely everyone around her little finger. And this time Jayson didn't puke on Aaron Hotchner when the man dared to hold him for the first time after their quite disastrous first meeting._

_It wasn't until Penelope appeared to the kitchen when Spencer was taking a glass of water and he saw the look on her face he realized what day it was. His heart made a painful jump, and he grit his teeth tightly._

_"I know… it's been a year, sweetie. Which is why I brought you something. Or actually it's for the twins, but…" Finally managing to pause her rambling Penelope pulled in a deep breath before offering something towards him. A scrapbook. "I… tried to find as many pictures as I could. He always hated cameras as much as you do, so it wasn't easy, but…" She trailed off, as though not really knowing what to say. _

_Spencer's hands shook as he opened the book. The flood of emotions that washed over him was so overwhelming that for a moment he was sure his knees wouldn't support his weight._

_As it turned out Penelope had been belittling her accomplishment, for the thick book was full of pictures. Some of them he hadn't even known of. There were pictures of him and Shawn together – including one precious snapshot from the time when they'd just been starting as couple, where he was sleeping in the older man's arms on Penelope's couch. Spencer remembered that day well. It was only a couple of days before Christmas when Penelope had invited them for a visit. As it turned out the day had stretched so late that they hadn't wanted to drive back the same day, especially with the snowstorm that was picking up. Penelope must've taken the picture without them noticing. Another picture that nearly made his heart burst was from Joey's second birthday. Shawn and he hadn't wanted a traditional birthday-snapshot, so they'd allowed a very eager Penelope to take care of the arrangements. In the end the woman had dragged them outside when there was tons of snow and inhumanly cold, and taken them to one of the most beautiful places Spencer had ever seen. There was a campfire in the middle of a forest-opening, where snow was falling softly. The sight was exactly like inside one of those glass-made snowballs Spencer had always adored for some reason. That night their family of three sat in the freezing weather for almost half an hour – and still they all smiled in the picture._

_So many memories that'd never fade…_

_Spencer focused on breathing although it felt ridiculously hard. And slowly yet surely the storm inside him began to change._

_He didn't think he'd ever stop missing Shawn, but these pictures… With them a part of his husband would always be there with him, and their children; he felt Shawn in every single one of those photos. This was the closest to each other they'd get, and that was something he'd have to live with. He'd have to _live_, because he was sure that was what Shawn would've wanted. As it was he had to live for both of them, to create memories for both their worth and still cherish the precious soul he'd lost. He loved Shawn enough to do that. And he owed them both that he listened to his heart._

_"Sweetie, you're shaking." Penelope's voice was soft and full of concern. "Are you okay?"_

_Spencer's eyes felt moist but he didn't think there were any tears in them as he looked at Penelope. He was dimly aware that there was a smile on his face. "Thank you", was all he managed to squeeze through his throat._

_Penelope responded with smiling despite the tears in her eyes and gave him a huge, nearly crushing hug. "'Sorry", she half-chuckled, half-sobbed. "These baby-parties always get me emotional."_

_Spencer managed to chuckle a little._

_They both jumped slightly when Derek's voice startled them. "What's… going on here?"_

_Spencer was relieved Penelope chose to speak so he didn't have to, wiping her eyes. "I… just gave the boywonder here a little present." She took a breath. "I've gotta go and fix my mascara. You two, play nice."_

_The two of them barely noticed her leaving, because their minds were completely elsewhere. Eventually Derek broke the silence. "What's going on?"_

_Miraculously managing to gather himself Spencer lifted his gaze to meet the other man's eyes. He licked his lips, falling to a nervous habit he'd thought was behind him. "I… know I've kept you hanging, and I hate myself for that. But, I just… I'm still trying to figure out what to do, how I feel and what I want. And… And it'd be unfair to…" With that he trailed off, because the look in Derek's eyes wiped absolutely everything else away. And from that moment on he no longer had any questions._

_Spencer's buzzing head registered that his heart was beating far faster than any doctor would've considered healthy, and the heat on his cheeks must've been humiliatingly visible. But at the moment he just couldn't bring himself to care. Because just then Derek's lips met his, and he registered nothing else._

_(None of them noticed how Penelope stopped by the doorway and grinned radiantly when seeing them. As fast as she'd showed up she left, but not without stealing a snapshot of the kissing couple with her cell phone's camera.)_

_Since that night Derek never slept in the house's guest room again._ /

* * *

Spencer opened his eyes. It was one of the most simple functions of a human body, yet he had to blink twice with surprise. Something he couldn't quite name shifted in his stomach, and his eyes came close to watering.

Tonight, it seemed, he'd reached a new milestone. It was the first time he hadn't had a single dream of Shawn. And he had no idea how to feel about it.

It was like he'd reached the final phase of letting go, of moving on.

He jumped a little and unleashed a tiny, rather embarrassing sound when the body lay next to his moved and a strong dark arm wrapped around him. "'Morning", a sleepy, extremely familiar voice murmured in near-whisper.

Spencer couldn't resist the temptation to smile as he turned so that he could see Derek's face. "'Morning", he responded, and couldn't keep himself from wincing as mild ache shot through him when he moved the wrong way.

Derek grinned toothily. "So you're still feeling last night, huh?"

Spencer's eyes narrowed, but the glare in them was only half-hearted. "I'm _not_ letting you do _that_ to me in two months." He poked the dark-skinned man's forehead gently with one finger. "And if you don't wipe off that smirk, you'll spend the next couple of weeks on a couch."

Derek dared to smirk while stealing a chaste kiss from him. The man's hand brushed his once again long-grown hair stunningly gently, making his whole body respond with appreciation. "Tough words from someone who'll be walking with a limp all day."

Spencer opened his mouth, but his comeback was interrupted when there was a small, chaste knock before the room's door opened. In a moment the twins jumped into the bed. Spencer's heart shifted as he looked at them, momentarily sinking into his thoughts.

The twins had his hair and a lot of his facial features, but their eyes and about a million other things were deffinitely from Shawn. They looked so much like their other parent that sometimes it was almost hard to watch. He didn't dare to even think how Derek felt when looking at them and seeing his late husband in their eyes.

Fortunately Spencer's dangerous thoughts became halted soon, for the twins were talking so that it was hard to stay on track where one sentence ended and other began.

"Pa-Derek, stupid Jay keeps breaking my toys!" Abigail accused with a pout that looked heartwarmingly adorable on her pretty face.

Jayson huffed, folding his arms. "I 'ust wanna see how they work, daddy. It's not my fault they b'eak down when I look inside."

Abigail made a insulted noise, glaring at her twin. "Break your own toys."

Jayson shrugged. "They'e not inte'estin'", the boy defended himself with such sincerity that it almost made the adults laugh.

Spencer couldn't help smiling a bit while interrupting the argument. Sometimes he wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that all his three children seemed to have inherited his IQ and memory. "Stop it, both of you. Jay, stop breaking your sister's toys – we'll go and buy you something you find interesting when Derek and I have woken up a little." He gave his nearly crying younger daughter a look of sympathy. "I'll see what I can do about your toys later, 'k?" Over time past year or two – since Jayson became old and curious enough to start dismantling things while trying to figure out how they worked – he'd become quite an expert on fixing toys.

Abigail nodded, valiantly controlling herself. "'K, daddy."

It was around then Joey appeared to the room's doorway. She gave her younger siblings a displeased look. "I should've known you'd run off here!" She gave the two adults a apologetic grin. "'Sorry. It's impossible to keep an eye on those two."

Spencer blinked once, then smiled, yet again surprised by how much the girl had grown up since Shawn's death. Too much, almost. "It's okay, Jo." He gave the three children a look. "You know… It's Saturday, and since Derek and I both have a day off we could have something special for breakfast. How does waffles sound?"

The twins gave nearly ear-splitting exclaims of joy while Joey's eyes shone with delight.

Stiffling a yawn Spencer went on. "Why don't you three go and gather the ingredients? I'll be right downstairs."  
The children disappeared in a flash. As soon as they'd left Derek planted a kiss to the most sensitive spot on his neck, making him shiver. "Have I ever told you that you're a fantastic dad?" the older man purred.

Spencer shrugged, feeling heat on his cheeks. "I'm trying the best I can." He groaned when feeling Derek's eager hands wandering around his half-bare body. How the heck the man knew every single one of his sensitive spots was beyond him. He slapped the man's hand away although it was the last thing he wanted to do. "Don't even think about it this soon after last night, Morgan. Besides we have to feed the kids before they tear each other apart."

"Tease", Derek accused in a very annoyed, almost sulking tone while he climbed out of the bed and walked the best as he could to where the rest of his clothes had formed a pile in one corner. Even after such a long time Spencer blushed when feeling Derek's hungry eyes examining and memorising every little detail of his half-naked body while he bent down.

After getting dressed Spencer gave in under the spur of the moment and made his way to Derek, giving the man a kiss that left absolutely nothing to be questioned. Derek made a low sound in the back of his throat and licked the brunet's lips briefly once the kiss ended. They both smiled while Spencer left the room to head for bathroom, rolling his eyes when Derek's hand brushed his behind.

Spencer must've been in the shower for less than four minutes, letting the nearly ice-cold water wash over him, when he heard the room's door open. He didn't bother opening his eyes because he recognized the steps approaching the shower better than well. In a moment the water's coldness became forgotten when warm arms wrapped around him and almost hot, demanding lips seemed to be everywhere on his naked skin.

"Are you still sure you want to make me wait?" Derek's husky voice asked in a whisper, the warm breath tickling his ear.

The kids could wait for another fifteen minutes, Spencer's rapidly heating up body decided.

* * *

Seventeen minutes later a clearly flushfaced Spencer was just knotting the rope of his dressing gown while walking down the stairs with Derek behind him when the doorbell chimed, barely loudly enough to be heard through the noises coming from the kitchen.

Spencer blinked once and glanced towards the nearest clock. It was only eight thirty. Who could it be so early?

"Are we expecting someone?" Derek inquired.

Spencer frowned, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

Curious, Spencer walked to the door with Derek following only a step behind, then opened the door – and froze. All his breath got caught in his throat, and the color that'd been on his face disappeared in a blink.

Behind the door stood a approximately fifty-eight years old woman with clearly dyed ginger red hair and nearly black eyes that appeared exhausted. Right next to her but pointedly not touching her stood a man of the same age with rapidly graying black hair and bluish-gray eyes. Judging by their clothing they were wealthy, but their postures spoke loudly of insecurity and nervousness. They both eyed Derek warily, almost with distaste; clearly they'd expected Spencer to be alone, or at least only with the children.

Spencer had only seen these people in pictures, but nonetheless recognized them immediately. And at the moment he regretted dearly ever opening the door.

The woman cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm… sorry we're disturbing you this early. We're…"

Spencer interrupted her with a nod. "I know who you are." His voice sounded unfamiliar. "You're Emma and Kenneth Ramos." _Shawn's parents_, was something he just couldn't say out loud. He couldn't speak Shawn's name around these people after the things he'd heard.

The man swallowed loudly and hesitated for a long moment before talking. "I… We're sorry, that it's taken us this long to visit, but now that Shawn…" The man blinked rapidly, possibly fighting tears. "A month or so ago we… We heard that Shawn became a father – that he had twins. That's why we're here."

The woman's – Emma's – eyes were full of despair while she looked at him. "I know what you must think of us, but… His children are our only grandchildren." She took a deep breath, blinking rapidly. "So, please… Could we see them, at least just once?"

Spencer felt Derek stiffen behind him. To him, on the other hand, everything tilted for the longest time.

Spencer mused that perhaps it makes sense that time stops when past collides with the present.

* * *

TBC, or does it?

* * *

A/N: See, no life-threatening cliffies? (grins) Mah, I'm turning into a softy. Oh well…

BUT, more importantly… How was the chapter – good, luke warm, horrible, trash-worthy? **PLEASE**, leave a review and let me know! I'm always a bit insecure about sending a new chapter, so hearing from you would mean A LOT to me.

GAH, it's getting late and I've got a ton of stuff to do. (winces) Thank you so much for reading this! And who knows, maybe I'll see ya guys again soon…?

Take care!


	2. My Leap into the Dark

A/N: Hot damn! (winces) It's been way, way, WAY too long – this story's seriously been in a coma of sorts! I wonder if anyone even remembers this one anymore. (looks around, trying to spot potential readers)

I'm so, so sorry about the wait! What can I say? This story became the victim of the worst writer's block I've ever had. (cringes) We'll see if this is still worthy of being resurrected…

BUT, first… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all those amazing reviews you guys left for the first chapter! (GLOMPS) Without them this story would've NEVER continued. So thank you! (hugs again)

Awkay… (takes a deep breath) It's time to go, I guess. I REALLY hope this turns out worth the insanely long wait!

* * *

**OC characters mentioned in this story** (because I'm sure you don't remember them):

Joey (or Josephine): The biological daughter of Reid and Morgan Shawn Ramos helped raise. Around nine or ten years old.

Shawn Ramos: Spencer's late husband, who died a tragic death in the prequel of this story.

Jayson Sean (or Jay) and Abigail Morgana (or Abby): Three-year-old twins of Reid and Shawn. Understandably Morgan is helping with raising them, since Shawn didn't even get the chance to see them.

Kenneth and Emma Ramos: Shawn's parents, who were first mentioned in the previous chapter.

* * *

CHAPTER 2 – My Leap into the Dark

* * *

Derek had always loved the small yet extremely wellworking kitchen of Spencer and his house. But that morning it was the last place where he wanted to be. And it looked like everyone present was feeling the same way.

At first the children – the twins in particular – had been extremely curious as to who their unexpected visitors were. It was a pure miracle that Derek had been well functioning enough to be able to distract them with quite sloppily made waffles.

Now, with the twins in their play room and – judging by the crashing sounds and Joey's snarls – destroying the entire room, the adults finally had the opportunity to focus on much more serious matters.

Sitting at the same table with the parents of his boyfriend's late husband was just about the last thing Derek wanted to do. And it didn't look like Emma and Kenneth Ramos were any more pleased with the situation. Spencer, however, was a whole another story. The genius was shaking and looked about ready to throw up as he sat as far away from Shawn's parents as possible.

None of them was able to tell just how long the silence had lasted until Emma finally broke it, her voice barely loud enough to be heard. "I… I do realize, that… that we've made a lot of mistakes. Unforgivable mistakes."

"Shawn told me everything." Spencer's tone was clipped, unfamiliarly filled with almost boiling over anger. "About the basement. About Emerson. About Brookwood Ranch." The brunet swallowed thickly, his eyes focusing on a window. "You don't need to repeat it. And I really don't want to hear you trying to rationalize it."

There was a touch of moisture in Emma's eyes while she licked her lips. "He was our son. Ken… We did what we thought was for the best – we tried to help him. You… You don't understand…" Seeing the look in Spencer's eyes she trailed off. A single tear rolled before she went on. "We… We already lost our son, for good. You're a parent. I'm sure you understand how much that hurts. Please, don't make us lose our grandchildren as well."

There was a torn look in Spencer's eyes. He looked like a threatened wild animal searching for a way out. "Shawn… He had nightmares all the way until he fell into a coma and…" The genius trailed off, his eyes wandering for a moment. "He had nightmares you two created, and sometimes… Sometimes he stayed up several nights in a row, just to avoid them. How can I trust that you wouldn't cause my children – _Shawn's _children – similar?"

Emma wiped her eyes, appearing desperate. "We've changed, I swear. And… And you could be there to watch, when we're with them. We could…"

Kenneth unleashed a growl that cut her short, gritting his teeth so tightly it must've hurt. "Emma, why the hell are you trying to reason with these faggots? They're not letting us see the kids, period." The man's finger was pointed at Spencer. "That one already stole our son, forced him into this insanity – it's because of him Shawn died. So just drop it. There's no reasoning with their kind. We came here to save the children, remember? We'll take these freaks to court if we have to."

At first Derek was struck numb and speechless by sheer shock. But in a second or two rage came flooding in, with such force that made his entire body shake. His eyes narrowed while he bounced up from his seat, fully ready to smash the older man's face into pieces. "You come into our house, to insult us, to threaten us? To talk to Spencer like that?" His eyes narrowed even further as they locked to Kenneth's. "Get the hell out. Right now", he hissed in a treacherous voice that would've chilled anyone. "Because at the moment this isn't a safe place for you to be in."

"Lay a finger on me…", Kenneth fired back. "And I'll make sure you'll never see any of those kids again."

Derek opened his mouth – until there was a sound of something breaking. They all turned their heads to see Joey stood by the room's doorway. There was a look of shock and utter heartbreak in her eyes. At her feet lay the shards of the glass of milk she'd come to get.

Derek swallowed, feeling like someone had just thrust a knife right into his stomach. "Jo…"

But it was too late. In a blink the girl was already gone.

Kenneth's eyes were wide as the man stared at the spot where the child had just been. "Shit…", was all the man managed to produce.

It wasn't until then Spencer regained his ability to speak. The man's eyes were full of fire as they became directed at the couple. "I have to consider if I'll ever let you into my house again. But right now I want you to leave, because based on what I've seen and heard so far I'm not letting any of my children spend a second with you." The man's eyes were harder than ever before, filled with feral determination to protect his children. "I'm going to see if there's anything I can do for Joey. When I come back I want you to be gone." With the genius walked out of the room, not casting another look over his shoulder.

Derek had no idea how his mind managed to focus on something so unimportant, but for several seconds it was all he managed to think about. There was this habit between him and Spencer.

Whenever they parted, even if it was for just a couple of minutes, the one leaving brushed the shoulder of the one who was staying with their fingertips. It was some sort of a way for them to become reassured that the other was coming back.

This was the first time in their relationship Spencer forgot to do that.

* * *

Spencer found Joey with the twins, watching over as the smaller children focused intently on solving a puzzle that should've been far too challenging for them. In a couple of seconds Joey seemed to sense that she was being watched and lifted her gaze. The second their eyes met he felt his heart break at how much older hers looked than they should've.

He'd never wanted her to inherit his eyes.

Then the twins started bickering, and Joey's attention was directed back to them. Spencer, on the other hand, found himself unable to leave, to stop staring at his children. He didn't quite manage to blink away the stinging sensation in his eyes.

He might've stood there forever if his body hadn't had other plans. Without a warning his stomach turned upside down, and if he'd been even a little bit slower he would've never made it to the bathroom in time before he already threw up violently. At around the same time came the horrendous pain that seemed to crush the bones of his skull and face. He opened his mouth while squeezing his hands to both sides of his head and leaning his forehead to his knees, but couldn't produce a sound. Perhaps that was for the best. If he'd as much as whispered, he was fairly sure his brain would've been torn to shreds. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and leaned against the wall while the pain kept ramming his body without any mercy.

And just then, at the pretty much only moment when he wouldn't have wanted to hear it, Derek's voice spoke. "Spence?" Of course he'd known that his agony was infuriatingly visible, but it still made his stomach turn to distinguish all that worry in the other man's voice. Or perhaps the headache was responsible for the violent reaction of his body. A larga, warm hand was laid to his shoulder. "Just breathe through it, okay? Focus on breathing."

Spencer swallowed, feeling bile crawling up his ferally convulsing throat. And that's when his stomach stole all control. He barely made it to the toilet seat before his intestines seemed to twist around and he threw up.

He'd been through stomach flues. Hell, he'd been through morning sickness.

Those… Those were nothing compared to this.

It seemed to take decades before the sharpest tip of the storm was finally over. Spencer gasped, as far it was possible without making it feel like his throat had been set on fire. The pain was still there, pulsating somewhere in the back of his skull like a ticking bomb, but at least he was able to breathe again. It felt incredibly good.

It took a moment before he registered the hand rubbing large, soothing circles to his back. At first he shivered, a part of him still remembering all those endlessly long years when no one had touched him in a pleasant way. But soon he found himself able to relax. And it looked like his body appreciated the relief far more than he could've ever imagined.

Derek unleashed a tiny sound of surprise at the way he leaned against the man. "Wait…! What…?" The man's hand brushed down, touching the most sensitive part of him, and he couldn't keep himself from whimpering while his back arched. A brief, stunned chuckle slipped from Derek. "You just… You were so sick I thought you'd pass out on me. And you had a hug shock. You can't be serious…!"

But oh, Spencer was very, very serious. Frustration rushing through him he spun around on the floor and slammed himself against Derek so hard that they fell to the floor. In a flash the little control he'd had disappeared completely. His lips were everywhere on Derek, and it felt like his body had been set on fire.

He didn't care that he was being insane. He didn't give a damn about the fact that this mood swing was just another 'side effect' the doctor had warned him about. And he was beyond relieved that Derek didn't seem to care, either.

The heat was overwhelming as they searched through each other, both finding every single right spot on the other's body. Relying their all on the other the two men who once upon a time trusted no one allowed the other to see and take absolutely everything. _Nothing_ could've been closer to perfection.

For once everything in the world made sense.

* * *

Later Spencer opened his eyes and blinked several times, for a while confused to see the tile floor and walls of their bathroom. It took all too long before his mind registered the fact that he was naked, and clearly in Derek's arms. Heat rose to his formerly sickly pale cheeks.

Derek's hand was far softer than he remembered it being as it played with his hair. "Are you okay?" the man half whispered, as though afraid of waking him up.

Spencer nodded, speechless for a while. In the end he cleared his throat before managing to produce speech. "Do you… think the kids heard?"

Derek chuckled. "You honestly didn't realize how loud you were? I'm surprised if the _neighbors_ didn't hear." A small kiss was planted to his hair. "But then again… I don't mind. And it's not exactly the worst or most unnatural thing they could hear."

Spencer smiled, relaxing into the older man's arms. The floor below him was cold and his skin felt disgustingly sticky, but getting up didn't feel like a pleasant idea. It felt good, to just stay still for a little bit longer. He closed his eyes and focused on the distinct feel of Derek's heartbeat that seemed to go in perfect sync with his.

They may have remained there for ages until Derek suddenly spoke in a unnaturally quiet voice, shattering the frail magic of the newfound tranquility. "We… really have to get going now, baby." The man's voice was tight, full of reluctance. The hold around him grew tighter. "That first treatment session of yours… It starts in an hour."

Spencer sighed, forcing his eyes halfway open. For a moment the bathroom looked overlighted and hazy until his eyes grew used to it. "I know." It was time to get back to reality. Flashes filled his head, like a bad movie that refused to end.

When he first started feeling sick and getting those headaches a few months earlier he wondered if it was possible, after all, that he was pregnant once more. He was proven wrong when he passed out and fell the stairs of his house. It was a miracle he didn't break any bones.

He could still feel the nausea and something close to sheer terror that filled him when the doctor showed him the picture of what was going on inside his head, pointed at that stupid, treacherously harmless black spot.

The movie finally did end and Spencer's body jolted when he felt a hand wrap around his, squeezing tightly. He squeezed back without hesitating a second.

Even a single word wasn't needed.

Five minutes passed until Spencer finally found his voice. "I've gotta get up, now, if we don't want to be late." He wrinkled his nose. "And I've gotta get a shower. I stink."

Spencer gave a rather humiliating squeak of surprise when without a warning Derek got up and scooped him into his arms. "What… What are you doing?" he sputtered. "Put me down!"

"What?" Derek asked in mocked innocence. "You thought I'd let you sneak out without washing you up first?"

* * *

Derek had seen Spencer bleed from a gunshot wound, being tortured and dying of Anthrax. But somehow he'd never been as scared as he was that evening, lay on a bed with Spencer finally sleeping in his arms.

Of course he'd known that things wouldn't be the same again when that doctor gave the diagnosis, showed them that goddamn black spot in the middle of Spencer's brain. But somehow it hadn't felt real to him until today, with Spencer suffering from all possible side effects of radiation therapy with him being able to do nothing but hold the genius.

Until today he hadn't known to actually fear that after everything they'd been through _this_ might steal Spencer from him. He'd never been as terrified in his life.

He was so tensed up that he jolted from startle, almost waking up Spencer, when his cell phone gave a signal that he'd received a text message. The message was from Penelope Garcia.

'_Just thought I should let you know the kids are alright. I can't believe how fast the twins grow up! How's my baby genius doing?_'

Feeling a lump in his throat Derek swallowed with severe difficulty, glancing towards Spencer. There was a small frown of discomfort on the brunet's face. Derek had to blink several times before he was able to text back.

'_Fighting through. Just got him to sleep. 'Wish there was something I could do._'

It took remarkably long before Penelope's reply came.

'_Just hang on tight, Chocolate Thunder. You know how he is – he's gonna be just fine, you'll see._'

Derek couldn't help smiling just a little bit at that. It was fortunate, perhaps, that he didn't notice the single tear that rolled down his cheek.

'_I know. Thanks._'

'_Anytime. I've gotta go now – the others have been calling and texting me all day, asking how Reid's doing. Make sure my baby gets all my loving._'

With the stream of messages ending Derek found himself feeling impossibly cold and alone. In the shadows of the room he pulled Spencer closer and buried his face into the other man's hair, inhaling the familiar scent. Soon he found himself becoming lost to the rhythm of the genius' breathing, as though he'd been afraid it might stop at any moment.

Derek didn't sleep at all that night.

* * *

TBC, OR NOT?

* * *

A/N: So… (gulps) That… didn't sound entirely good.

We're nearing the end of this entire story-package; there's only two or three chapters of this left. Then we'll know what happens to Reid, Morgan and their family.

Would you like to read the rest? (At least I could promise you faster updates in the future…) **PLEASE, **leave a note! I'd love to know if this lil' story still has friends out there. (gives puppy's eyes)

Until next time, folks – with whichever story that may be!

Take care!


	3. My Sweet Family

A/N: (chuckled) Well, how about this? It didn't take months, after all! (makes a small victory dance, then dodges thrown objects) I know, I know, after the previous chapter even this wait was quite long. (pouts at oneself)

BUT, before jumping on the chapter… GOSH, you guys! Thank you so much for all those review! You can't even imagine how much it means to me, that so many of you never lost faith in this story. (GLOMPS) THANK YOU! You make jumping on this story all over again worth while.

Awkay. (takes a deep breath) No dodging it, now. Let's get on with the story! I really hope you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

**OC characters mentioned in this story** (because I'm sure you don't remember them):

Joey (or Josephine): The biological daughter of Reid and Morgan Shawn Ramos helped raise. Around nine or ten years old.

Shawn Ramos: Spencer's late husband, who died a tragic death in the prequel of this story.

Jayson Sean (Jay) and Abigail Morgana (Abby): Three-year-old twins of Reid and Shawn. Understandably Morgan is helping with raising them, since Shawn didn't even get the chance to see them.

Kenneth and Emma Ramos: Shawn's parents, who were first mentioned in chapter one.

* * *

CHAPTER 3 – My Sweet Family

* * *

Three months had passed by.

Derek blinked twice. Odd – it'd felt a lot longer, closer to three lifetimes.

It'd been three months of fighting against something that couldn't be touched, of pain, of hospital visits. And on top of it all three months of struggling against the Ramos-couple.

They had no idea how it was possible, but somehow the news of Spencer's condition had reached the ears of Kenneth Ramos. The man hadn't wasted time before showing up at their doorstep with a signed document from his lawyer and a sinister smirk.

Biologically, Joey was Derek's child. The twins weren't, in any way at all. So, as Kenneth had pointed out without a trace of pity or sadness, if Spencer was to die any court of law would place the children under the custody of their _real_, biological family. As soon as Spencer was to die, which were Kenneth's exact words, Kenneth and Emma would come and take the twins home. The man was also planning on questioning if Spencer and Derek were able to look after the children in their current situation.

Derek had never felt the kind of rage he did right then. It filled his entire body, _hurt_ as it spun through him. Only the fact that he couldn't afford getting arrested kept him from smashing Kenneth's face to pieces.

That encounter took place two months ago. Today, as he sat outside a doctor's office holding Spencer's hand, Derek found Kenneth's words haunting him mercilessly.

To trick his mind into other matters Derek turned his gaze towards Spencer. He wasn't sure what to feel when he realized that the brunet had fallen asleep at some point, head resting against his shoulder. Now, with the younger man asleep and unable to disguise anything, it was terrifyingly easy to see just how great of a toll the struggle so far had taken on his best friend. Spencer was several degrees paler than before, and with a large chunk of his already too little weight lost it was all too easy detect all of the man's bones. The headaches came a lot more often, now, at least twenty times a day. Derek suspected that although Spencer never admitted anything the nausea didn't even go away these days. Playing with the kids was almost impossible for Spencer when even a little bit of moving around was a struggle.

Derek hated the thought above absolutely everything, would've done anything if he'd been able to chase it out of his head, but knew with bitter certainty that it was something he needed to process. He couldn't help wondering if Spencer was fighting a losing battle. If…

Fortunately that trail of thought became cut when Spencer jolted awake with a gasp all of a sudden, eyes wide and full of fear.

Derek immediately tightened his hold on the brunet, feeling a sting of worry. "Hey, hey, it's okay." He waited for a second before going on. "Did you have a bad dream?" Those, too, seemed to come far too often, now.

The genius swallowed and nodded, visibly focusing on steadying his breathing. "I… I dreamt that Kenneth came, and took the twins away. They were crying, and I…" The man trailed off. It took a long moment before those brown eyes turned towards him. "It felt so real, Derek."

Derek stroked the other man's cheek gently with one hand, pleased to discover that the brunet leaned to his touch. "It's not real, though. It never will be." He debuted for a moment before going on. Suddenly he felt more nervous than ever in his life. Talking was a huge battle. "I… talked to Hotch. There's a way, to keep Kenneth at bay. I've… been thinking, if you'd want to do it."

Spencer frowned. "What way?"

At that moment, after such a long time of waiting and fighting with himself, Derek realized that he was finally ready to let the words drop. He swallowed thickly, subconsciously tightening his hold on Spencer's hand. "I… I think we should make it official." Seeing the younger man's look of confusion he went on. "Our family, I mean. We've talked about it before. Now… Now might be the perfect time."

For several stilled moments Spencer stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Are you talking about… adopting Jay and Abby?" the man whispered in the end, so quietly that he barely heard.

Derek nodded slowly, feeling a unexpected bout of nervousness. Had he just made a completele idiot of himself? What the hell was he doing, anyway – asking something so important in the clumsiest way possible in a hospital? What if…?

But then Spencer's eyes changed, chasing away all doubts and worries. The brunet's smile left nothing to be questioned while the cool hand in his squeezed.

Derek leaned forward, caught up in the moment. But before they got the chance to kiss the door next to them opened. The warmth Derek had been feeling mere moments ago changed into numbing cold when he saw the look on the female doctor's face.

* * *

Rather late that evening Spencer decided to do something he hadn't felt up to doing for almost two months. He left the house alone, telling Derek that he was about to take a walk alone. It took almost ten minutes of convincing until the older man agreed to let him go.

That day, their kiss goodbye lasted several seconds longer than usually.

It was a fight, but eventually Spencer reached his destination. His legs shook from the abuse he'd given them and something else entirely as he kneeled before Shawn's grave. Despite all the time that had passed his eyes turned watery while they stared at the familiar name on the stone.

"I… I'm sorry, that I haven't been able to come for a while. But…" Words disappeared, and a tiny bit of him wondered with dread if it was because of his illness. He gulped, bracing himself for another try. "I… I came to tell you that Derek asked to get to adopt the twins today. And I said yes. For the children, and because… Because I may follow you there, soon. And I can't leave, if I leave behind things I regret. If I make a decision I'll regret even after death." A couple of tears spilled but he didn't wipe them away. Shawn deserved them. "I… I love you. But... I love him, too – he's made me happy, even after the darkest times of my life. I want us to be a family, for as long as we can And… I want him to know that. I just can't do that, until I know that it's okay with you."

A second passed, followed by a couple of more. But then Spencer felt something he couldn't name – a warm, breath like whisper of wind that made him shiver all the way to his spine. It was almost like a touch, a caress.

At that moment Spencer did something he hadn't done before in front of his late husband's grave. He smiled, feebly and through almost spilling tears but still.

"Reid?" He shuddered with startle until his brain recognized Emily's voice. There was a look of almost hidded worry on her face. "Are you alright?"

Instead of answering Spencer frowned. "What… are you doing here?"

"Derek figured you'd be here, and asked me to take you home. He would've felt like intruding if he'd come here."

Understanding, Spencer gave her a faint smile. "Thanks, for coming."

It was Emily's turn to smile. "Haven't you figured it out by now? We're a family. There's nowhere else I'd rather be." She then held out a hand for him. "Now let's get you home. You're already shivering as it is."

Spencer had never been good at accepting help. But this time it looked like they both needed this. So he took Emily's hand, letting her pull him up, and chose not to point out that she didn't remember to let go as they walked towards her car.

* * *

About a couple of hours later, after coming home to a atypically quiet Derek and spending at least an hour looking at his already sleeping children, Spencer had almost fallen asleep until he felt Derek shift. He opened his eyes halfway with confusion as he felt Derek placing his head tentatively, almost hesitantly, to rest on his chest. It wasn't until after a long moment he finally understood what was going on.

So Derek needed proof. At least Spencer could help with that one.

His hand was gentle as he laid it to the side of Derek's face, pressing the older man's head just a little bit closer to his chest.

He sincerely hoped the gesture and unfaltering beat said 'It's okay, I'm still here' without adding 'For now'.

Derek blinked twice, confused, before catching on. The man's eyes softened to a point where it was clear tears were only a breath away. For a couple of crushingly sad moments every single muscle on Derek's face tensed up in effort of concealing the storm rising inside. Then, as quickly as it'd appeared, the weight flew away. Derek's face relaxed until the man melted into a smile and closed his eyes. In a matter of moments the mocha-skinned man's breathing pattern changed, giving away that he'd fallen asleep.

Spencer sighed, starting to rub his sleeping lover's bald scalp with a gentle hand.

He knew there was a mountain of things they needed to work through and sort out, while they still had the chance. But… Would it really be so bad to spend just one more night pretending that none of those things existed?

Spencer closed his eyes, relieved to notice that for once there was no pain or even discomfort – apart from overwhelming fatigue he felt… healthy, almost. All he could feel was the warmth of Derek's body, the man's easy breathing.

And so, feeling more comfortable than he had in ages, Spencer closed his eyes and relaxed further against his partner.

For the first time in ages they both slept through the night without any bad dreams.

* * *

Derek had never been a huge fan of courthouses. But in a extremely cold morning almost a month later – after his Petition for Adoption had finally been processed and the official part could take place – he was barely aware of where he was as he sat on a long wooden bench by Spencer's side, anxiously waiting for a judge to call out for them.

True enough, what they were doing wasn't strictly romantic. But it was most definitely legal, and it was something they'd been dancing around for a long time. They were both shaking with nervousness as the judge – a about fifty-years-old man with rapidly fleeing black hair and piercing blue eyes – called them in.

Derek swallowed upon entering and took a nearly protective stance before Spencer, feeling like they'd been thrown into a lion's den. "I'm aware of the laws of Virginia", he announced in a slightly sharper tone than he'd intended. "Do I even stand a chance?"

To both their surprise the judge gave a slightly sad smile. "My name is Eric Waylon. I specifically asked to get your case, because I was in your situation once upon a time." The man pointed towards two surprisingly comfortable, green chairs that stood by his desk. "So, why don't we get started? I believe none of us wants to prolong this more than necessary."

The entire thing seemed to take ages, but when they left the judge's chamber Jayson and Abigail were officially Derek's children as well.

They were a family, even in the eyes of law.

Perhaps surprisingly Spencer was the first one of them to speak. "After everything we've been through… it feels surreal, that this is really happening."

Derek frowned when finally feeling how stiff Spencer was beside him. He gave the genius a worried look. "What's wrong?"

Spencer shook his head, giving him a smile that seemed genuine. "I'm okay – I… I don't think I've been this 'ok' since this entire thing started. And I really, really want us to be a family. I just…" The man's expression faltered, but only for a microsecond. "I know this is gonna sound stupid, but… I guess I just didn't expect it to happen like this, although I knew it'd have to."

All of a sudden Derek felt a twinge of sadness as realization dawned. He placed a tiny, tender kiss to the side of Spencer's head, to which the younger man leaned eagerly. The hand holding determinedly on to his tightened significantly.

Derek sighed, breathing in the other man's scent. "I'm sorry, that it had to be this un-romantic. But this was the only way to make it official."

Spencer looked at him for a moment, and smiled. "We're finally a family, now – my children are yours, _I'm_ yours. Nothing else matters."

At that moment Derek couldn't hold himself back any longer. Despite his boyfriend's loud protests he scooped Spencer all too easily into his arms and pulled the man as close as he could, finally ending up silencing the brunet with a kiss. He savored every single one of those seconds, as well as every moment from the night that followed.

Every sigh he pulled from Spencer.

Every touch, every kiss.

The exact taste of his lover and best friend.

The faint scent that lingered afterwards, when they lay in each other's arms, with Spencer drained to the point of exhaustion but clearly content.

And most of all, he imprinted the look that appeared to Spencer's eyes when he whispered those words he'd never spoken to anyone else.

In the morning, when Spencer was still fast asleep, Derek finally knew exactly what he wanted to do. Making sure the brunet was out cold Derek took his cell phone and dialed familiar numbers.

There was a almost instant response although it was six in the morning. "_Hi, Chocolate Thunder._" Penelope's voice was a touch tighter than it should've been. "_Is everything okay?_"

Derek couldn't resist a secret smile as he looked at Spencer, although whispers of doom were nagging in the back of his head. "Yeah, everything's okay", he whispered, surprised by how hard it was to speak. He swallowed, looking away from the brunet. It took a second, maybe two, before he managed to continue. "There's… something I've been thinking about. I was wondering if you'd be able to help me…"

* * *

Not too far away Kenneth Ramos parked his car when his cell phone began to ring. A quick glance at who the caller was made his pulse speed up. "I assume you have news."

"_I'm sure we both agree that you've never heard this from me – I'd have my ass fired if anyone would find out about this._" There was small pause, most likely because someone passed by the caller. "_I got a good look at that Reid's charts today, and… Well, things aren't looking so hot. His doctor is sliding towards palliative care._"

At that very moment Kenneth saw red, and if the caller said another word he didn't hear any of it. The rush of blood was deafening in his ears.

So his grandchildren were under the care of a soon dying cancer patient and a faggot? _Hell no_ – they deserved much better.

Kenneth was going to make sure that they'd get something a lot better.

"Thank you", he stated curtly, then hung up before the caller could make a sound.

Less than two seconds later Kenneth started his car. There was a crystal clear destination in his mind.

* * *

TBC for a bit more, right?

* * *

A/N: Uh-huh… It looks like things are about to blow, big time. (sweatdrops)

Sooooo… (gulps thickly) How was that – any good, at all? **PLEASE**, leave a note to let me know your verdict! By now you've gotta know how much I love hearing from you.

IN THE NEXT ONE (if case you want one): As things heat up close to the climax, a long awaited confrontation takes place. Also, as time grows all too limited the team comes together to make some memories that will never fade away…

Until next time, folks! I promise, it won't take months this time, either. (grins sheepishly) I REALLY hope I'll see ya all then!

Take care!

* * *

**ilovereid**: Poor couple, no? (winces) Fate's being a bitch on them.

Let's hope they'll get a chance for some nice, cosy fluff. (huggles the two of them)

Gigantic thank yous for the review!


	4. My Full Circle

A/N: GAH! (winces) I HATE writer's blocks. But hey, at least this hiatus wasn't as long as the last one. (rolls eyes at oneself) At least the new chapter's finally here, now. Yay…?

First off, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all those reviews! You can't even imagine how happy I am that this SECOND (gawks) sequel has gotten so much love. (HUGS) So thank you!

Awkay, because I've already kept you waiting… (takes a deep breath) Let's roll. I really hope this turns out worth the wait!

* * *

CHAPTER 4 – My Full Circle

* * *

It was ripped from both their worst nightmares.

When Derek and Spencer went to pick up the twins from daycare there was a extremely young female teacher with shorcut red hair, huge brown eyes and glasses – Pippa, as her nametag announced – on duty. The woman's expression was nothing short of horrified when she found out who they'd come to collect. "Hadn't you… made a deal, with their grandfather? He came to get them an hour ago. He said he was going to take them home."

Sheer _wrath_ blazed inside Derek, with such force that it stole his breath, joining about a million others that gave fuel to its fire. The emotional overload only intensified when he glanced towards Spencer to see how pale the brunet had fallen, to see all that horror and grief in those brown eyes that'd never held a single secret.

This was too much. Spencer… He didn't need this, especially now.

Derek needed to vent his rage and frustration on someone. And to her misfortunate Pippa was the most fitting target. His teeth made a sickening sound as they clashed together before he bit out. "Do we look like we'd had any sort of a deal? That man abducted our kids, and you let him!"

Pippa swallowed thickly, taking a step backwards. "I… I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

Derek's eyes narrowed, but to Pippa's fortunate Spencer's cell phone came to life just then.

Spencer's head had been thrown into a complete chaos as soon as his brain registered what was going on.

The twins… They were in the hands of the man who'd made Shawn's life living hell, who'd…

He barely realized what was happening when he registered the dial tone of his cell phone and picked up after what felt close to an hour although it couldn't be more than seconds. Both Derek and Pippa were staring at him as he spoke in a voice that didn't sound right. "Yeah?"

It took a moment before he first heard a couple of sobs, then Emma Ramos' quiet, strained voice. "_I… I can't let him keep doing this, not anymore. I… I love the twins, but… I don't think this is what Shawn would've wanted. I…_" There were noises, and she had to be quiet for a while. "_We… We're in this house, that belongs to a… friend of Kenneth's. We'll be here for a couple of more hours._"

Spencer's heart thumped so fast that breathing was a chore. He swallowed, starting to shake under a storm of adrenaline. "What's the address?"

Emma told him, then hung up as fast as she could.

Spencer didn't know how long he'd been stood there, completely still, until Derek's voice finally reached him. "Spencer, who was it?" The man sounded openly worried. "What's wrong?"

Spencer swallowed again, feeling ready to throw up, before he managed to squeeze the words out. "I… I know where the twins are, but… I'll have to go there alone, or Kenneth won't listen." He grit his teeth to hold vomit down. "There's… something I need to show him."

* * *

As he approached the white, seemingly harmless door of a old, smallish house and knocked Spencer was fairly sure that he was out of his mind. But this was what he needed to do, for the sake of his children. And he could've sworn Shawn was right there beside him when there were steps before the door was opened.

Kenneth Ramos' eyes lit into a inferno when the man saw him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Spencer's jaw tightened. "I came to take the twins home." The older man's eyes flashed, but he was faster. "You kidnapped them, but I wouldn't want to call the police. So let me in."

He could tell it was the last thing Kenneth wanted to do, but after a visible struggle the man came to a conclusion that there wasn't really a choice and moved to side. Spencer felt like he'd been entering the enemy's territory when he walked into the house with slow, hesitant steps.

As soon as Kenneth closed the door the man snarled in a low, dangerous voice. "I'm going to protect my grandchildren from sick freaks like you. You, and those like you… You already destroyed my son. I'm not letting you take away his children as well."

Spencer bit the inner part of his mouth, hard enough to draw a drop or two of blood, before daring the speak. "It was Shawn's own choice to stay. I offered him a way out, several times. He said he'd found the place where he belonged."

"That's only because you filled his mind with lies and filth!" Kenneth's face tightened significantly as something that looked much darker and deeper than rage took over. The man folded his arms, shielding himself against him. "You stole my son away, tied him up to a brat that wasn't even his! It's because of you I never got the chance to see him, before…" It took several seconds before Kenneth found his voice again. "I… I was planning on making things right, eventually. He… He was my son. I was planning on fighting until he would've understood. Then you came along."

Spencer had to grit his teeth to keep all the venom circling inside him from flowing over. It was all on the tip of his tongue, burning and itching. "Shawn… He loved me. I still don't know why, but… He loved me, enough to marry me. Enough to build a family with me. He loved Josephine as well, above everything." His eyes stung, but he fought furiously against the tears. This wasn't the right time and place. "And I… I loved him, too, more you could ever understand. He would've been a fantastic father for the twins. That's why I'm willing to do anything to protect the twins from the hell Shawn had to go through." With those words the took a very old, already wrinkled letter from his pocket, trying to ignore how his hands shook.

Shawn had pleaded with him, that if they were to ever meet Shawn's parents he'd never, ever mention that letter – that he'd never unleash the tidal wave of hurt it'd cause. But as it was Spencer was out of options. He could only hope from the bottom of his heart that Shawn would understand.

Kenneth frowned. "What the hell is this?"

Spencer grit his teeth once more, balling his fists so hard it hurt. "It's… a letter, one Shawn wrote when he was sixteen. He wrote that, when you locked him into the basement after catching him with Dylan."

Kenneth appeared suspicious but eventually curiosity took over, and the man began to read. The words echoed in Spencer's head and he let them, no matter how much they stung.

_Dear dad,_

_I'm so sorry that I couldn't be the son you would've wanted me to be, that I couldn't live up to your expectations. I never meant to disappoint you, I swear. I've been fighting to overcome this beast inside me, to live by the rules, but it's too strong. I don't think I can keep fighting it any longer, and it scares me to death._

_It scares me to death, to know that it's highly likely you'll never stop hating me. That you'll never look at me the same way again. That's why I'm taking the coward's way out._

_I swear I tried my best. I really wanted to be a good son, such you'd be able to love and respect. But I guess it's like you said. Sometimes our best just isn't good enough._

_I'm sorry. I hope you know that, at least. Please tell mom I'm sorry, too. I love you both._

_-Shawn _

It took a second, perhaps two, before Spencer was finally able to see them. Despite everything he felt a snap of pain when seeing the unspilling tears in Kenneth's eyes. It was easy to see how the man was torn to pieces.

Spencer spoke although he felt choked and out of breath. "He… He was really planning on killing himself, that night. I don't know what happened next – he woud never tell me. But… That summer he decided to become a doctor."

"I… I think I can tell, what happened." Emma Ramos' eyes were red and puffy as she finally emerged from the house's kitchen, wiping her cheeks. It took several seconds before she managed to speak. "He… I think he tried, something. Because I… There was blood on his shirt, when I found it from under his bed while looking for laundry. I asked him about it, and he… He started crying. I'd never seen him cry before, not since he was a baby." More tears came and she wiped them away with harsh motions that must've hurt. "I… I didn't know what to do with him, how to help him. So I… I forced him into a car, and took him to a doctor. He was sent into this asylum." She was shaking so badly that she could barely stand. "I… I was so angry, with Kenneth, so I… I never told him where Shawn really was – just that our son was safe. Kenneth… He didn't even seem to care." She breathed for a while, her eyes almost closed. "Shawn… He spent almost two years, in that place and in this group home meant for teenagers with mental problems. When it was over he was eighteen. He never came back to us."

It was painfully silent for the longest time as they all fought with the emotional turmoil the information received so far had aroused. In the end Spencer was surprised to hear his own voice speaking, light as a whisper. "You… You were his only parents." He swallowed thickly, shivering slightly as he looked at the clearly grieving couple. "He loved you, until the day he died. I think he always expected you to come for him. He never gave up on you."

The silence was thick and loaded. It lasted until running steps of tiny feet could be heard, followed by squeals of delight. "Daddy!" Abigail threw herself at him with such force that he almost fell down, clinging to him as though for dear life. "He… He said you wouldn't come, that you wouldn't care."

Jayson also approached him slightly more hesitantly. The little boy's eyes were red and it was clear that tears weren't far. "Can we go home, now?" the child whispered.

Spencer nodded, his stomach knotting uncomfortably. "Yeah. We're going home." While ushering the children towards the door he looked towards Kenneth once more and swallowed thickly, feeling a bit too much to be able to process it. This entire meeting had been emotionally taxing, and he was exhausted. "I…"

Kenneth shook his head vehemently, seeming as exhausted as he felt. "Just get the fuck out of my house."

Spencer nodded slowly, unsure what to make of this all. As he walked towards his car, Abigail still clinging to him and Jayson holding his hand as tightly as possible, Spencer wondered if this was the last time he'd ever see the Ramos-couple.

* * *

Time passed by far too fast after that long, hard day. Soon enough a yet another month had flown by.

A month, during which a doctor cautiously told Derek and Spencer that they should enjoy the time they had left. Spencer would've done _anything_ if he'd been able to erase the fear those words planted into Derek's eyes.

But life, however long there was left of it, needed to go on. There was still a chance to breathe and enjoy, to make more memories. And there were days when the pain and other symptoms allowed Spencer to lead a surprisingly normal life. There were days when he felt… almost healthy. He valued those days above everything.

And then there were entirely different kind of days.

Derek didn't believe in signs or premonitions. But as soon as he heard of the case that'd take the team to Kansas he had a feeling that he was making a huge mistake when listening to Spencer's reasoning and getting on to the jet.

They were already planning on making an arrest when Derek's phone rang. As soon as he discovered that the caller was Penelope chills of dread ran through his whole body. They'd made an agreement long ago that she'd only call his own cell phone in case of a emergency.

Penelope wasn't crying, but he could tell she had been not too long ago. She didn't even remember to tell him not to panic before the flow of words began. "_He… He'd been having a horrible headache all morning, but he refused to let me take him to a hospital. I went over to see see him, though, and… And then, he… He said that his nose was bleeding. He just collapsed, just like that, and I…_" The woman trailed off, and it was easy to hear how she fought against tears.

The panic that went through Derek stung painfully, struck him breathless. "Garcia." He rarely called her by her surname, but at the moment terror swept his mind blank. His eyes stung hellishly, and it took his all not to collapse to a nearby chair when all strength left his muscles. "Is Spencer alright? Where is he?"

It took several endlessly long seconds before Penelope managed to produce speech. "_He's… He's in the hospital. There's a doctor with him, right now. I… I don't think he's woken up yet._"

The phone slipped from Derek's hold but he didn't even notice. The sound the item made on its way down caught the attention of the rest of the team. The looks of fright and sadness that appeared to their faces told that they realized what was happening.

Aaron's usual stony mask gained several cracks when the man spoke in a tone he'd never heard before. "Go. He needs you."

Derek didn't have to be told twice.

By the time Derek made it to the hospital Penelope was sitting there waiting for him, her face buried into her hands. She looked up upon hearing steps, and a couple of tears leaked when she noticed him. "He… He woke up, an hour ago. The doctor's with him now."

Derek nodded, feeling oddly numb. Maybe he was in a state of shock. "Where are the kids?" he half-whispered.

Penelope took a deep breath, wiping her eyes. "In the playroom – there's a nurse watching over them." She swallowed. "They… They were startled pretty badly, by all of it."

Derek nodded again. Somehow that seemed to be the only response he was able to deliver.

They both jumped with startle when the room's door opened and a man at the age of around forty with thick glasses, messy black hair and sad gray eyes – Dr. Walter Kingston – walked in. The man took a deep breath before speaking. "Evening, Derek. I'm glad to see you here. There's… something I need to tell you about Spencer."

Derek frowned, the coldness he'd felt before returning and intensifying tenfold. "What it is? Is something wrong?"

Dr. Kingston sighed, running a hand through his hair. "The tumor… We've been expecting it to grow. And while growing, it was expected to cause problems."

Derek folded his arms, trying to shield himself against the pain that was swelling inside his chest. "Why… are you telling me this?"

Instead of really answering Dr. Kingston gave him a loudly speaking look. "When you go to see him it's important that you don't panic or overwhelm him. He needs you right now."

It took ten minutes before Derek finally felt composed enough to enter Spencer's hospital room. The brunet seemed to be sleeping, but as soon as he walked in the man first shifted, then opened his eyes halfway. Their eyes met for a couple of seconds during which time stilled.

And then Spencer broke down. Three tears rolled down the genius' cheeks while the man brought one hand to his lips.

Finally regaining his ability to move Derek all but jumped forward, quickly making his way to his beloved. "Hey, hey, calm down." He ran a hand down the other man's cheek, trying to ignore how it shook. "What's wrong?"

Spencer took a deep breath, a couple of more tears rolling. And then the man finally moved his other hand, revealing a book. "I… I tried to read it, but… I couldn't understand a single word. I couldn't understand anything, and it's… It's in English." No matter how hard the man fought more tears leaked. The brunet's entire body was shaking uncontrollably while terror and grief filled those brown eyes. "I… I can't read anymore, Derek. I can't even read anymore. And my right eye… I see nothing but blur through it."

Derek had absolutely no idea what to say to that. Perhaps there were no words that could've soothed the pain in either one of them. And so, instead, he reached out his arms and wrapped them as tightly as he dared to around Spencer, held on tight while the younger man's body shuddered under soundless sobs. He didn't even notice the tears leaking down his own cheeks.

Somehow it felt like nothing was ever going to be the same again.

* * *

As soon as it became apparent that Spencer would never be able to read again Derek focused the terror, rage and helplessness inside him onto something practical. Exactly two days after Spencer was discharged from the hospital Derek came home with a huge collection of audiobooks.

"They don't read as fast as you do", he admitted. "But maybe a slower pace isn't such a bad thing. At least one book lasts longer than ten minutes in your hands. Most of them aren't in English – you've gotta get at least some challenge."

The smile that appeared to Spencer's face and the light that lit into the brunet's eyes were the best reward Derek had ever received.

One week later Joey was waiting for Derek on their home's porch, fidgeting so that it looked like she was about to burst with excitement. Her eyes were demanding when she looked at him, visibly ready to start jumping up and down. "The twins are ready to go. Did you get everything done?"

Derek nodded, a smirk appearing to his lips. "Yeah. Everything's ready." He glanced towards the house's door, feeling something shift uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. "Is… everything okay?" It felt sickening that these days that'd become his and Joey's code expression for inquiring if this was a good, bad or horrible day – if there'd been new _changes_.

Joey swallowed and looked away, folding her arms. "Daddy's… been feeling a bit sick, and his right leg is still acting up. But… He's okay now, listening to one of his books." She wrinkled her nose. "It's one of those French ones again. I think this is the tenth time he's listening to it." Her annoyance was less than half hearted, though. Whenever Spencer was well enough to stay awake the man listened to his books – clearly it was a good way of distracting his mind from physical discomfort. They both welcomed such relief with open arms.

He gave her a smile he hoped looked at least somewhat reassuring before starting to head towards the door. "Well, I suppose it's time to get this show on the road."

The smirk that appeared to Joey's face reminded Derek quite a bit of one of his. Somehow that made some warmth settle into his stomach.

Finding Spencer wasn't a hard task. Unable to stop himself Derek leaned to the living room's doorframe for a few moments and simply watched, completely nailed to the spot by the sight in front of him.

A fluently speaking male-voice filled the entire room as the audiobook progressed. Spencer sat on the couch with his legs pulled to his chest and eyes closed, clearly completely absorbed by the story.

Although he couldn't understand a damn word Derek had always loved French. What he loved even more, though, was the look on Spencer's face. He didn't remember the last time the brunet would've appeared as calm and content.

Derek hated the idea of interrupting the moment, but if he wanted to go through with his plan there was no other choice. "Do I dare to even ask what, exactly, you're listening to?"

Slight rosy hue could be seen on Spencer's cheeks for a second while the man's eyes opened. A small, slightly shy smile was aimed towards him. "It's… a private scene, between lovers. The writer's been pretty… descriptive." The man hurried to add after a moment. "Don't worry, Joey hasn't been studying French long enough to understand all this."

Derek's eyebrow bounced up. "Are you sure?"

Spencer chuckled. It wasn't until then Derek realized how much he'd missed that sound. "She may be a genius, but she's only been studying for three months. So yeah, I'm pretty sure." The brunet then frowned. "What's wrong?"

Derek blinked once, mildly surprised. "Why would something be wrong?"

Spencer tilted his head. "Your left eyebrow's twitching. It always twitches when you're nervous or insecure about something." There was a moment of silence, as though neither of them had been quite willing to speak. "So… What's going on?"

Derek took a deep breath, at that very moment becoming all to aware of just how nervous he was. "Spence, do you trust me?"

Spencer stared at him incredulously. "Of course I do – with my life. Why?"

Derek felt his facial features soften while he approached the genius and placed a brief, uncharacteristically tender kiss to the man's forehead. "Because… I've got a surprise for you, and I want you to come with me. But on one condition. You'll have to keep your eyes closed until I tell you otherwise – and no peaking."

* * *

As it turned out Spencer obeyed Derek's command, no matter how curiosity tingled in his veins, all the way until Derek's whisper reached his ears. "Okay, Pretty boy. Open your eyes."

He did – and stumbled a step backwards while a gasp left his mouth.

The scenery before his eyes… was magical, although a reasonable part of his mind immediately recognized it as Penelope and Kevin's backyard. Evening had fallen a while ago, and at the moment what looked like a million candles brought light to the rapidly darkening night. Rose petals, red and pink… They were _everywhere_.

Derek's chuckle didn't manage to taint the atmosphere. "Keep breathing, okay? You're starting to hyperventilate."

Spencer was still gasping a little while he turned his gaze towards his boyfriend, his eyes impossibly wide. "How…? Why did you…?"

Derek had never, ever appeared as nervous as the man did just then. Spencer saw a lot of swallowing before the dark-skinned man finally spoke. "James C. Dobson said; 'Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.' And I… I can't imagine my life without you, so…" The rest faded away.

Spencer's eyes felt dangerously moist, and he had to blink a couple of times. "Derek…"

It was unclear if Derek even heard him – the man was clearly focused on going through with his speech. "I know that we can't get married in this state, at least officially, and you can't travel, but… After everything we've been through… Maybe a piece of paper doesn't matter so much." Did Derek just… bite his lower lip? "I just… I want to give you that promise. I mean… If you want me to."

For a couple of seconds Spencer remained struck immobile by sheer shock. But then, very slowly, a smile appeared to his lips. He hoped his hold was firm and reassuring when he took the other man's hand and squeezed. "I… I'd like to give you that promise, too."

The last time he'd seen Derek smile the way the man did just then was when the twins were born. He wished he would've had the words to say that at that very moment he loved Derek more than ever before. And as much as it stung, considering the inevitable, that thought filled him with warmth he hadn't felt in days, perhaps weeks.

And then it was too late to say anything. Because just then the clapping started, accompanied by a couple of whistles and some chuckling. Turning his gaze with startle, Spencer had to blink several times at what was on the porch that now had lights on.

The entire team was there, along with the twins and Joey. David Rossi was smiling at them, and there was something similar on Emily's lips. Aaron's eyes looked much softer than usual when the man gave them a nod. Penelope was wiping her cheeks while smiling as well and JJ's eyes didn't appear dry, either.

For the first time since he'd told them about his diagnosis Spencer didn't see any sadness on their faces. It felt incredibly good.

And then the flood of hugs and congratulations began, with such force that it struck Spencer breathless – or perhaps it was Penelope's bear hug.

David gave them both a grin. "Congratulations, you two." The man's grin then grew. "You know… If you're really serious about getting married I think I can help you."

Abigail frowned, immediately picking up what was out of place. "But… You're not a priest."

David chuckled a bit at that. "I know, kid." The man's attention then focused on them. "But I've got three ex-wives. I think I know the drill by hard."

Everyone was looking at them, and Spencer tried hard to ignore how weird it made him feel.

Then Derek squeezed his hand and smiled at him again, and suddenly nothing else mattered. "What do you say? Should we do it?"

Spencer was powerless against the huge, goofy smile that erupted. "Yeah", he replied without a hint of hesitation. "Let's do it."

The team and children – their family – gathered around them, forming a full circle, while David began to speak. "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two into a union nothing in this life or after it will ever break…"

* * *

About two hours later Derek felt like he was in some sort of a dream when he had his arms wrapped around Spencer from behind while they stood leaning against the house's wall, watching how the twins were causing a havoc while trying to get some more of the cake Penelope had brought out a while earlier.

The moment… It was _perfect_. But it seemed a part of Derek needed more.

Unable to resist the temptation any longer Derek whispered into Spencer's ear. "Would you give me the honor… of having our first dance with you as my husband?"

Spencer turned towards him with a wide-eyed look before sputtering. "But… Derek, they're all watching!" Heat rose to the brunet's cheeks, giving them a healthy glow. "And… And we don't even have any music! It'd look ridiculous."

Derek smiled at the look on his beloved's face and couldn't resist giving the younger man's lips a kiss that made the genius blush even harder. "So what? A little bit of ridiculous does us good every once in a while, doc."

For a moment Spencer looked at him like he'd gotten a second head. And then, very slowly, the man melted into the kind of a smile he'd never seen before. Knowing each other well enough to act without asking any questions they began to move in perfect sync, as though blending into each other.

Spencer felt good and warm in his arms, _alive_. At that very moment it was blissfully easy to chase away all the shadows and uncertainty looming around them.

Derek smiled and closed his eyes, pulling his husband even closer. Just then they both decided not to give a damn about the audience they had as they got lost into a kiss that spoke all those tiny and huge things they'd never be able to voice.

Neither of them could tell them what the next day, let alone the following week, would bring. But that didn't matter – for now they had this perfect night _nothing_ could ever take away. And that was enough.

It was fortunate that neither of them looked to their right. If they had, they would've seen how a sudden breath of wind wrapped around one of the candles, making its small flame flutter before it died out completely.

That whisper of warning from fate was something neither of them needed to see.

* * *

TBC, for just a bit more.

* * *

A/N: Oh boy… (takes a breath) I was listening to 'Don't you wanna stay' from Clarkson and Aldean while reading this, and came THIS close to tearing up a bit. (sighs) Those poor things, no? But at least they had their perfect night.

Soooo… (glances around nervously) Was that any good at all? **PLEASE**, do leave a review! It'd mean a lot, especially now that the story's just ending. (gives puppy's eyes)

IN THE NEXT (and, possibly, the last one unless I choose to write a epilogue): Fate gives its final seal, sending several lives spinning. What becomes the family that's already been through hell?

Until next time, folks! I REALLY hope I'll c ya all then.

Take care!


	5. My Life After Me

GOSH! (takes a deep breath) This trilogy has been such a long, emotional ride that it feels surreal to imagine it coming to an end. I'm feeling quite emotional right now. (grins sheepishly)

THANK YOU, from the very bottom of my heart, for all those reviews! (GLOMPS) You guys are the ones who kept this story alive all this time; through writer's blocks and all. (hugs) It means A LOT to me that you're out there.

Awkay… (takes a deep breath) Because I think there's no stalling, let's get going, yeah? I REALLY hope you'll enjoy this final bit.

WARNING: Fetching some tissues right about now might not be a bad idea…

* * *

CHAPTER 5 – My Life After Me

* * *

The signs were subtle but undeniable. There were several whispers of warning.

The headaches, nosebleeds and pains kept escalating to a point where Spencer had no other choice but to turn towards the one thing he'd fought to avoid. No matter how hard he resisted first in the end he had no other choice but to use narcotics for relief.

And hospital became more or less his second home. It was only there they were able to make him feel comfortable during the worst of times. Despite how much Spencer hated hospitals it would've been torture to keep him home over the worst of storm.

One morning about three weeks after their wedding Derek woke up, and felt terror form a tight ball in the pit of his stomach upon realizing that Spencer wasn't in the bed anymore. The empty space beside him felt cool, like no one had ever occupied it.

Then, just before fear would've taken over him completely, he heard quiet voices talking. Fighting furiously to even his breathing and to quiet down a storm of adrenaline Derek struggled his way out of the bed, then followed the voices with soundless steps.

The sound of Spencer's chuckle was the first sound he identified. "What are you three doing?"

"Breakfast. I'm sorry if we woke you up", Joey explained like it'd been the simplest thing in the world. There was a slightly sheepish look of worry on the girl's face when Derek peered in. "Did you sleep okay?"

There was a look of open worry on Abigail's face. "I heard you get sick, in the bathroom. Are you okay now?" She chewed her bottom lip. "You have to eat. Papa-Derek always tells you to."

Spencer frowned, appearing confused. "Where is this all coming from, you guys?"

Jayson seemed to be on the verge of breaking down into sobs while the child whispered. "The hospitals a'e sca'y – in the'e people may die." The last word was barely audible, said in a voice full of terror. A couple of tears spilled despite the little boy's struggle. "We want to keep you home. We don't want you even sicke'."

Derek's heart _stopped_. Of course they'd been forced to tell the twins that Spencer was ill, but… Gosh, they really were too fast to catch on.

For several seconds Spencer just stared at the children, such a amount of grief on his face that it made Derek wince. And then, as though a switch had been flicked, the genius seemed to know what to do. To the stun of the rest of them the man took a ballpoint pen that'd been laying around on the table and drew a heart to the kitchen's white wall.

The smile on Spencer's face held a clear touch of sadness, but fortunately the children – even Joey – didn't seem to notice. "See?" the genius half-whispered, his voice full of warmth. "There are tons of marks like that, everywhere. In here…" The man pressed one finger gently to Jayson's forehead. "… and here." This time a finger was placed to Abigail's chest, where the child's heart was beating. The genius also ruffled Joey's hair affectionately. "I'll always be here, keeping an eye on you. There's no way I'd ever leave you guys."

Abigail cried, wheras Jayson and Joey stared at the mark on the wall with unreadable eyes that broke Derek's heart.

"Daddy?" Abigail's voice came so unexpectedly that it startled them all. The little girl still had some tears in her eyes. "Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"

Spencer's eyes softened while the man looked at his younger daughter. "Yeah. I think that would be a great idea."

It was around then Derek finally dared to step forth. That morning was atypically quiet yet pleasant while they prepared the breakfast together, trying not to notice how the children never dared to go very far from Spencer. On the spur of the moment they decided to eat the breakfast in front of TV, which had never been allowed before. There, watching SpongeBob SquarePants and feeling a thick layer of sugar on their tongues, they found it deviously easy to feel like nothing was wrong in the world.

They were all grateful for those hours of bliss. Because that night Derek was forced to take Spencer to the hospital once more, carrying his husband when the genius' legs wouldn't support his dangerously low weight anymore.

As he walked through the hospital's doors Derek could've sworn he heard a whisper of doom.

* * *

On the evening of his fifth day in the hospital Spencer fell asleep. He dreamt of a bluebird that'd been trapped into a glass-made cage, of how the poor creature struggled to get out of its prison. And then, out of nowhere it seemed to him, cracks began to appear to the glass surface. Eventually the cage broke down completely, the tiny pieces shining like diamonds while exploding to every possible direction. The bird gave a triumphant chirp while rising to its wings and disappearing to a strange, blindingly white light.

Spencer woke up with a gasp, some tears in his eyes. His heart was thumping, and the sound reminded him all too much of a clock that was about to stop.

Time was running out, fast. He could _feel_ it, and it made his chest tighten with fear. He _didn't_ want to spend whatever time he had left in the hospital.

"Spence?" It wasn't until then he realized he wasn't alone. Derek's eyes were tired and full of worry when he met them. "Did you have a nightmare? Are you having a headache?"

Spencer shook his head, then frowned. "'Told you to sleep", he managed in a half-slur. It was infuriating how hard talking had become over the past couple of days. He had a nasty feeling it was because of the tumor.

Derek tried – tried so very hard – to smile. The man's hand was comfortably cool while it brushed his cheek. "Hey, it's okay. I'm… I'm fine. Don't worry." Those words would've been a lot more believable if there hadn't been tears in the man's eyes.

Slowly becoming aware of the hand holding his, Spencer pushed all his strength and moved his thumb, rubbing it over the back of Derek's hand in hopes of making the gesture comforting. Even with late evening's – or perhaps night's – dark having fallen into the room some of the tension and shadows seemed to fade from Derek's face. Spencer wondered, with some cold swelling in him, who'd be able to chase away those shadows when…

His trail of thought was cut when there was a chaste knock, after which Penelope peered into the room. Her grin didn't quite reach her eyes. "The route is clear – Prentiss and Rossi are in position, Hotch is standing by with JJ. Everything's ready."

Derek nodded, looking his age for the first time since this nightmare began. "Alright, then. Let's get this show on the road."

Spencer, despite how confused he was, found himself actually smiling. "What's… happening?" It was a struggle, but at least the words didn't sound overly strained.

Derek gave him a smile. "Remember how you asked to get to go home, at least for a while? Dr. Kingson… wasn't happy about it. But you're allowed to choose for yourself, and I promised him there'd be several adults around you." There was a tiny, cheeky grin. "He just said he didn't want to be there to witness it, hence this night-time extravaganza."

Spencer smiled even wider, feeling warmer than he had in a long time. Getting out of the hospital… sounded almost too good to be true.

He must've fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing he knew he was no longer hooked on tubes and machines – instead he was safely in Derek's arms, cradled protectively to the man's chest. They were in a elevator, speeding down the floors. A sudden flash of a distant memory made amusement spin in his chest.

Would this one get jammed, too?

Noticing that he was awake Derek planted a tiny kiss to his forehead. "Let's get going, Pretty boy", his husband whispered to his ear in a gentle tone only he was allowed to hear. "We've got a surprise for you."

* * *

Despite his best efforst Spencer was in and out of sleep the entire ride to their secret destination. He didn't wake up properly until they walked through heavy doors that looked very, very familiar, and advanced in a hallway he'd walked through a million times.

Derek grinned at him. "You'd better stay awake down there. You'd kick yourself if you'd miss this."

Before Spencer could ask what, exactly, 'this' was they were already there. His eyes first widened, then watered with movement he knew for sure wasn't caused by the tumor or medication.

They were in the BAU-headquarters, in the very same room where they'd once upon a time watched old Chaplin-movies. And the entire team, minus Jason Gideon, was once more there. Usually he would've been extremely uncomfortable with them seeing him like this, and even now he fidgeted, but that night he didn't feel the need to hide or pretend. It made things easier that he didn't have to speak. In their family words had never been important.

It spoke loudly, how Aaron squeezed his shoulder. The look David gave him was also perfectly clear. It said a lot, how JJ and Penelope hugged him when Derek cautiously let him try if his feet would carry him. It spoke very, very loudly how Emily held him while helping him to one of the chairs brought there. And it spoke, perhaps the clearest, how Derek soon took him to sit in his husband's lap – how Derek placed one hand directly where his heart was still beating.

Spencer was utterly relieved that he didn't have to tell them, that they all seemed to know.

Soon enough Chaplin appeared to the screen before them, and this strangest calmness filled the room.

"I hope you're all sitting comfortably", Penelope stated. "Because I have enough of these to last through the night."

For about three hours they all managed to struggle, but they hadn't slept properly in quite a while. And eventually, as night's hours wore on, sleep began to claim them.

Spencer also fought with all his might to stay awake, because he didn't believe he'd have the strength to force his eyes open again. He shifted slightly, careful not to disturb any member of his finally relaxing family, and did something he hadn't dared to do while they were still fully aware. He really looked at them, letting the mental snapshots of their faces leave a burnmark to a part of him even death itself wouldn't wipe away.

Firstly his gaze met David, who was nodding in half-sleep while valiantly trying to watch the current movie until its end. There was a deep line, such that hadn't been there some months earlier, directly between the man's eyes. Spencer couldn't quite smother a bang of guilt upon realizing that it was there because of him.

Spencer's head jerked slightly when he heard a tiny sound that was between a moan and a groan. His eyes flew towards Emily, who'd adjusted her chair so that she could see him directly, as though she'd been guarding him. Even in sleep her arms were folded and there was a deep frown upon her face. She seemed to be shivering slightly. A fist squeezed itself around his stomach while he wished he'd had the time and chance to tell her that it was okay to stop fighting the monsters all alone, that she could wake up from her nightmare already.

Spencer found his gaze refocusing free of his will, shifting to the person sitting on a chair beside his. Penelope – who looked like she hadn't slept in weeks – was breathing softly, and her nose twitched slightly as whatever she was dreaming about took a hold of her. Her hand, which was placed to his knee, shuddered but didn't move away.

Unable to resist a tiny smile, Spencer let his eyes move towards Aaron, who sitting on a chair a slight distance before him. Even in his current state of mind he blinked twice with surprise upon discovering that there was a faint smile on the unit chief's face. He wished he'd had the chance to see Aaron smile more when the man was awake. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that life would give the man reasons to smile.

Spencer shuddered slightly in the middle of his thoughts upon feeling something press against his shoulder. Adjusting his gaze with mild startle he discovered that JJ had also fallen asleep, her head falling to rest against his shoulder. The steady rhythm of her breathing sounded comforting, made all the tension there'd been in Spencer's body disappear.

It felt like a nice idea, to fall asleep to that sound. As he listened to it he knew he wouldn't have to worry about nightmares anymore.

Using all the little strength there was left in him Spencer turned his head ever so slightly, so that he could see Derek. He was pleased to notice that his husband was, for once, sleeping soundly. Although nearly all strength had left his muscles he squeezed his hand around Derek's, looked at the ring the man had given him the day after their wedding.

It was a symbol of eternity. It was a proof of the fact that wherever he might end up, a part of him would never, ever leave Derek's side.

He'd be there, right beside Derek, when the man would make his way through the first days without him.

He'd be there when Joey would reach her teenage years. He'd watch over her when she'd find her first love and very first heartbreak.

He'd be there when the twins started school, taking each step with them. He'd see them learn, until they knew more than he ever did.

He'd see and savour each and every smile, do whatever he could to wipe away every single tear, to soothe the wounds that'd come inevitably.

Of course he'd be there – _nothing_ could make him miss those things.

And if Derek was to fall in love again… It would sting and burn, no matter where he was. But he'd be that annoying, stubborn voice in the back of his beloved's head saying that he had to dare to live the life unfolding before him. That those who still had life ahead of them shouldn't cling so hard to those who were nothing but cherished memories.

But he _wasn't_ about to say goodbye. Because although he'd never exactly believed in heaven this tiny yet firm part of him _knew_ that this wouldn't – _couldn't_ – be the last time he touched Derek. And during the sleepless nights of silent, proud tears to come he'd whisper that fact to Derek's ear until the man would finally hear him and believe him.

Those thoughts comforting him, he closed his eyes and leaned his head comfortably against Derek's warm chest. For the first time in months there was no coldness, pain, fear and discomfort inside him. Just fatigue.

It felt strange, like he'd been just floating away. His body became weightless and numb, to a point where he couldn't see, hear, feel or even taste anything.

He just fell asleep, and landed into a sea of endless white.

* * *

None of them was able to explain it. But all of a sudden, in the dead of night, every single member of the BAU-family woke up with a strange, ominous shudder.

All but one, that is.

It took only a couple of chilling seconds before they realized what had happened. Their eyes shifted towards the same direction, although it was the last thing they wanted to see.

Spencer… looked like he'd been sleeping. It was cliché, but true. There was a serene, content look on his face. But it was painfully easy to see that his chest was no longer moving – there was no life inside his body. He'd just slipped away, subtly and soundlessly, while no one had been looking. Derek was holding on to the genius with all his might, with a utterly crushed and lost look on his face. The older man's whole body was shaking as though it'd been about to fall apart. Derek wasn't crying openly, but it was easy to tell that it was another story on the inside.

It was over. They'd lost.

None of them knew how long it'd been crushingly silent until Penelope whispered a barely audible "Excuse me…", and left the room. Tears were already filling her eyes.

Emily just sat there for the longest time, staring at Spencer's lifeless body with eyes they'd never seen before; with eyes that reminded them of a wounded wild animal. Then she got up, with perfectly composed motions, and walked out of the room with stiff steps, never once daring to look over her shoulder. The door's sound was sharp, venomous, when she closed it. After a couple of seconds David moved to follow her. No one noticed how he wiped his cheeks.

Aaron… stood right there, allowing a jolt of dull ache after another course through his body, blissfully unaware of the million tiny cracks that'd appeared to his mask. His lips became a tight, straigth line while he balled his fists and let a tidal wave of undirected anger ravish his body.

He had no idea what he would've done if a new sound hadn't claimed his attention. His eyes refocused slowly, spotting JJ who'd never left her seat. She'd brought one hand to her lips while the other seemed to fumble, desperately trying to grasp something. The tears streaming down her cheeks were soundless, so that wasn't what he'd heard earlier. Instead his ears had caught the incomprehensible whispers – prayers – slipping from her mouth.

Time stood still and rushed by at the same time while, slowly yet surely, JJ's voice died out even though her lips kept moving and Derek's shivering subsided, leaving him as horrifyingly still and lifeless as Spencer was. And Aaron… felt something inside him still, die out, as well.

None of them noticed the breaking dawn.

* * *

About a week later in Bennington Sanitarium nurse Vinnie Quin – a petite woman at the age of twenty-four most considered pretty with her big, brown eyes and long, wavy red hair – received a letter to one of her patients, Diana Reid. Along with the letter came a woman with long, blonde hair and tear filled eyes who introduced herself as JJ. Those eyes, along with the woman's black dress, gave a warning long before the words.

There was a reason why Spencer hadn't been writing to his mother anymore. Spencer – the son of whom Diana spoke every single day, the person who was Diana's entire world – was dead. Spencer fell asleep, and never woke up.

With those words JJ broke into tears, and it seemed to take a tiny eternity before they stopped. Vinnie opened her mouth to whisper that she was sorry, but then changed her mind. Somehow those words didn't seem to be enough.

It was a struggle but eventually JJ was at least somewhat composed, although still shivering like a leaf. Her voice was fainter than a whisper while she explained that she'd wanted to deliver the news in person, because that was what Spencer would've wanted. Vinnie was glad. She couldn't even imagine how Diana would've reacted if something like this had been told to her over the phone, on even worse in a formal, ice cold letter.

Vinnie, who much to her surprise discovered that her eyes weren't entirely dry either, nodded with what she hoped to be a comforting smile. "Thank you, for doing this. I can imagine it wasn't easy."

Something that went much deeper than sorrow flashed on JJ's face for a microsecond, and she looked away before managing to look at her. "I… Before I took a flight here, I was helping his husband, Derek, pick up a casket. I… was there, when Derek broke down completely. And Derek… He never cries." There was a tiny, slightly bitter chuckle. "Compared… Compared to this, that was a joyride."

Vinnie had never appreciated physical contact. But at that very moment she wrapped her arms around the total stranger and held on for almost a minute, before the worst of JJ's tremors had turned into nothing but aftershocks. Once they broke the hug she cleared her throat before daring to speak. "I'm… going to have to take a look at that letter, before it's given to Diana. Hospital policy."

JJ blinked twice, as though waking up from a dream. "Oh, of course."

Wondering if any words would've sounded appropriate in this surreal situation, Vinnie spoke somewhat hesitantly. "Diana's… in the garden."

JJ nodded, desperately attempting to smile. It almost reached her eyes. "Thank you."

Vinnie wished there was something she could've said or done, some magic wisdoms that would've somehow made the nightmarish situation lighter. But there was nothing such. And so she remained silent and watched JJ go, mentally preparing herself for picking up the pieces.

It took almost two minutes before she was coherent enough to remember the letter. She shook her head, as though to wake up, before starting to read. In a few moments she wished she'd never started.

* * *

_Hi mom,_

_I'm sorry that it took me this long to write, but I've had some problems with finding the right words. Still do. That's why this letter is so brief._

_It's funny, how it's the hardest to find the words when there's so much I'd want to say._

_I don't think I have to tell you that this is the last letter I'll be able to write to you. Somehow I've got a feeling that you already know – it must be some sort of a parental thing. Please, don't cry. Everything's going to be alright, I swear._

_I need you to know that I'm not alone. And right now I'm not scared, either. Because there are some things I know…_

* * *

**_Two Years Later_**

* * *

Joey's eyes were closed while she stood firmly on her spot, both fists balled so tightly she was surprised skin wasn't damaged. And then, although it took all her bravery, she opened her eyes to see her dad's name on the tombstone.

She didn't cry, which didn't surprise her. She'd done enough crying when she heard her dad was dead, in the funeral, when the twins cried after their daddy. And before that, when she lost papa-Shawn.

Instead she swallowed thickly and folded her arms although it was impossible to shield herself against the forces surging through her. "I… I just wanted to come, and wish you a happy birthday, daddy." She grit her teeth, waited for several seconds before daring to try her voice again. "I'm… sorry, that it took me so long to come. It's just…" The words on the tip of her tongue flew away, slipped out of her reach. Perhaps it was for the better.

She didn't want to tell him how angry she was, that he wasn't there for her now that it looked like she was having a crush on the cutest boy in her class, Tyler. She didn't want to confess that she kept having dreams of her daddy, every single night, and she woke up with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to say that every time she heard steps approaching the door of her family's house she expected him to walk in.

Instead Joey grit her teeth once more, then remembered something. "Do you wanna see what I've learned? I'm not as good as you, but…" She reached out behind her ear, pulling out a whistle. She had to swallow. "Papa-Derek… He gave this to me a while ago, said that… That it was something he gave you, too, once – that it has special value. He told me I could use it, if I ever needed his help. But…" Her hand shook while she placed the item so that it was hanging from the headstone. "I think… I think you need it more, because… You're there, where we can't see you. And… I want you to be able to tell us, if there's something wrong."

Joey knew that it was irrational, but she nonetheless half-expected a reply. Only a soft, warm breeze of wind answered her, and she couldn't stop herself from feeling dejected.

It was around then she finally noticed what hadn't registered to her when she first came. Her eyes widened, grew moist.

Several months ago she'd brought a tiny beginning of a rose to the grave, in hopes that one day it'd bloom. But the flower had been stubborn and refused to grow – until now, that is. Because right there, under her overjoyed and bewildered eyes, a white rose was blooming, reaching out towards the blue sky.

And she smiled, never noticing the tears running down her cheeks.

"I love you too, daddy", she whispered.

* * *

_I know that Josephine will learn how to smile again. Even with everything she's been through she'll laugh eventually. And the twins… They'll have a huge family helping them grow up. They'll make mistakes, they'll face disappointments. But they'll be happy. All three of them will be._

* * *

Derek couldn't even count how long he'd been a member of the BAU-team. But that morning, for the first time, he was almost scared of entering the headquarters.

He didn't know what he'd been thinking when agreeing with Penelope's plan of skipping the anniversary of Spencer's death, and celebrating his birthday a week later instead. Because… Derek didn't have the slightest clue how he was going to be able to pull through this.

He couldn't remember a thing about Spencer's funeral, but had a fairly good guess that he'd been feeling something like this on that day as well.

"Pa-Derek?" Abigail sounded impatient, perhaps even slightly confused. Her eyes were pleading. "Are we going in? Aunt Penny said there'd be cake."

Looking at the twins Derek felt a all too familiar twinge upon realizing just how much they'd grown up over the past two years. He couldn't stop himself from wondering if Spencer knew that although they weren't even six they could read – that the evening before Jayson had finished a book in less than two hours. He wondered if Spencer knew how badly he would've wanted the man to be beside him just then.

At that moment Derek did the last thing he'd expected. He smiled, only faintly but still. "Yeah, sweetie", he half-whispered. "You can go. I'll be there in a bit."

With loud squeals of delight the children obeyed, stormed through the doors and towards a direction they knew quite well from all the times it'd ended up being Penelope's duty to keep an eye on them. Derek himself was a lot more hesitant.

Was, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He shuddered with startle before managing to glance over his shoulder. For a moment he could've sworn he was looking at Spencer, until the illusion vanished and he found Aaron looking back at him instead. There was a unreadable look on the man's face. "Let's go in."

Derek nodded, all words vanishing from his mind. He didn't hesitate when walking through the doors by Aaron's side.

* * *

_I know that Derek will get back to his feet eventually. That fire inside him is one of those things I love so much about him. No matter how badly he's lost, he always finds his way back to the light eventually. I'll make sure he will. And he'll be a great parent, although he doesn't really believe in his abilities yet; he'll have a lot of help._

* * *

In beforehand Derek had told himself to avoid it, but his eyes had a will of their own as he walked in. Immediately his gaze strayed to what had once been Spencer's desk. When he saw all the cards placed on top of it a sharp, barely bearable twinge of pain shot through him. There was also a chocolate muffin that had one candle sticking from it.

Spencer's favorite.

Suddenly it felt like Spencer was _everywhere_.

"Here you are!" Penelope's voice pulled him out of a hazardous trail of thought. Although her eyes seemed red and puffy there was a slight smile on her face. And then she was hugging him, so hard that it felt she was never going to let go. "I was beginning to worry that you wouldn't show up at all."

Derek swallowed thickly while returning her hug. His knees felt dangerously weak all of a sudden. "I almost didn't", he confessed quietly.

Penelope gave him a look of sympathy and understanding. "I've got a feeling that he's very proud of you."

Derek nodded, fairly sure that there were no proper words to answer with.

He looked around, mostly to trick his mind to other things, and felt some warmth flow through him. Apparently it was David's turn to entertain the twins, for they were both sitting on the man's lap while he was telling his keen audience a story. Derek rolled his eyes inwardly. The twins were always too excited to sleep until midnight after uncle David's stories. The two men exchanged a nod of 'hello'.

Derek's gaze traveled once more when Emily walked in, wiping her mouth. He arched an eyebrow at how pale her features seemed. "Morning sickness?" he suggested.

Emily gave him a look that said it all – apparently this topic was still not to be touched. She then looked around and frowned. "Where's Joey?"

Derek's stomach sunk just a little bit, and he bit back a sigh. "Maybe next year."

Emily nodded. He was glad she knew him well enough not to say anything.

The next voice came suddenly that Derek shuddered, came close to emitting a utterly humiliating yelp. "Spencer, wait!"

For exactly three seconds Derek's heart _stopped_, and it took much longer before it gained its normal rhythm. Then, very slowly, he turned around. And suddenly it felt like the tiniest bit of that huge hole in his chest had been filled.

Everyone was finally there.

* * *

_I know that the team, my second family, is strong. They've seen and been through a lot, too much. They've gone to hell and back so many times that it's a miracle they still remember the road back home. Alone, they wouldn't have survived long. But they have each other. And that's enough._

* * *

Running with slightly wobbly steps towards Derek was a about a year and four months old boy with the wildest blond hair he'd ever seen and lively blue eyes. Little-Spencer looked almost nothing like the man he got his name from, but still…

Derek's head was sent reeling.

It was two days after Spencer's funeral he'd found JJ from this very building's break room, crying so hard she could barely breathe. It took almost fifteen minutes before she calmed down enough to explain. She was pregnant.

The news had raised a storm inside Derek, back then. The knowledge that while they'd lost someone so important, another life had only just began…

But then the child was hugging him with a smile that looked almost painfully familiar, and all dark memories vanished. He couldn't keep himself from smiling a bit in return while he ruffled the boy's hair.

JJ chuckled before taking her son gently into her arms. It was easy to tell that she most likely hadn't slept properly in a while. There were shadows around her eyes. "He's getting faster by the day", she explained apologetically. "I'm not sure how much longer Will and I can keep up with him."

Derek felt a grin forming to his face. "They grow up fast, don't they?"

They looked at each other, and suddenly the mood became a lot more sombre. Eventually she reached out a hand and gave his shoulder a firm squeeze. Somehow that tiny gesture seemed to say everything necessary.

A few moments later Penelope came, carrying a tray full of drink glasses. "It's all soft drinks", she announced. She swallowed thickly. "I… don't think any of us should consume alcohol, today."

Derek gave her a look of gratitude. It wasn't until several moments later he realized that everyone was looking at him. He swallowed, feeling a hint of nervousness. So he was supposed to be the one to speak? What was he supposed to so say?

None of them could bare to speak of _him_ just yet – the wounds were still too fresh and tender. So, instead, as he raised a glass, Derek choked out "To life".

Everyone joined in, tiny sad smiles on their faces, and no one's eyes seemed completely dry. The drink's taste was bittersweet, but somehow Derek felt warmer than he had in a long time.

Because although he didn't believe in much anymore, he was almost sure Spencer was there beside him.

* * *

_I know, for a fact, that life will prevail and go on. It can never be stopped._

_And whatever it takes I'll be there, watching. Remember that if you ever feel like giving up._

* * *

There were tears streaming down Diana Reid's cheeks while she folded the letter that'd become almost transparent with how many times she'd read it through. This time she didn't even try to stop the tears, even though she knew there were several members of staff watching her worriedly.

She was almost sure, that at that very moment a hand was laid to her shoulder. Without hesitating a second she placed her own on top of it.

And for the first time in two years she smiled.

* * *

_I'm not going to say goodbye, mom. I'm saying 'Until next time', wherever that will be. I love you. Don't ever forget that._

_-Spencer_

* * *

**_'When violet eyes get brighter  
And heavy wings grow lighter  
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again  
And I'll forget the world that I knew  
But I swear I won't forget you  
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past  
I'd whisper in your ear:  
'Oh darling I wish you were here''_**

****(Owl City; Vanilla Twilight)

* * *

**_End._**

* * *

A/N: Oh boy…! (wipes eyes) I still can't believe it's over. Quite a emotional ending, eh?

BUT… How was it, guys – any good, at all? **PLEASE**, leave a note to let me know your thoughts! It'd mean the world to me. (gives puppy's eyes)

Once more, THANK YOU so much – for reviewing, reading and listing! You can't even imagine how loved you've made this trilogy feel. (glomps) So thank you – you guys ROCK! I'll miss writing this one so much. (pouts)

(RANDOM NOTE: I'm playing around with the idea of writing a oneshot on Emily's pregnancy. We'll see if my heads wants to cook up something…)

All the very best, guys! And maybe I'll see ya around one day. (glances hopefully)

Take care!

* * *

**Lisa**: Oh dear! Although I must admit I'm a bit flattered that the story's got such a firm hold on you. (smirks sheepishly) It's so good to hear that the ride thus far has impresed you so!

We'll see how the story ends… (winces) Now this emotional rollercoaster is finally coming to an end. I really hope you'll be able to enjoy the final bit.

Gigantic thank yous for the review!


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